Company Christmas Par-tay!

Hunter & I went OUT on a whole night away! (Only our second such adventure in the 17 1/2 months of Lily's existence.)
And we had a BLAST!

(This would be our impatient faces as we wait in stand still traffic for 45 minutes.
We're ready to party!!)
 

This would be my extremely handsome date. 

Also, we're models. 

You knew that right? ha! 

I think we were just feeling extra fancy in our swanky hotel room ;) 

Anyway, the party was great.
I'm super thankful to have a great company to work for, a fun husband who loves to dance & an amazing sis-in-law who gave up her whole Saturday night so that we could enjoy a whole night out :)

On loving where you're at right now.

So we went on a trip.
A really fun & nostalgic trip back to my alma mater (is that how you spell that? Looks super weird).

Anyway, it was homecoming weekend and I haven't back to good 'ol Missouri State University since I graduated in May of 2008. 

Man oh man, how life can change in 4 short years.

(Travis is in the marching band & we got to see him at the parade & football game... which we won. Go Bears!)

On this trip I got to:

• Visit with 2 of my best best friends/roomies who also made the trip.
• Hang with all three of my brothers (2 of whom are current students at MSU).
• Walk around the campus that was my home for 4 very formative years of my life.
• Reminisce about college classes and sorority parties with my parents and husband, while we chased around our daughter. 

Weird.

It's was such an odd feeling to think that the last time I walked that campus I was a free woman. 

No husband. No babe. No job. No real plans (except to marry my love and run away to Denver).

It stirred up the strangest emotions that I'm still honestly trying to figure out. 

I love this life I'm blessed with. 

I'm in love with a wonderful man, we're blessed with a beautiful baby and we have loving supportive families. We're not what you would call "rich" ;) Ok we're not even what you would call comfortable probably, but we're definitely making it!

But you know what? 

There's still this aching in my chest when I think back to the innocence of that younger me. I guess I just wish I could give 21-year-old me a call and say,

"Soak this up! Enjoy every single second of it. Life is going to get really good, but it's also going to require sacrifices. And those loves you're entrusted with come with a price. A gnawing fear of loss. A heavy responsibility of guardianship. All things you will gladly choose, but things that will change you none-the-less. Be excited for what's to come, but don't be in such a hurry to graduate, to grow up. Please take a moment to be thankful for your $200 rent and your house full of best friend roommates. I promise you'll miss sharing your closet and your secrets with women who understand you so fully. Relish this brief moment in time when you are old enough to be on your own but young enough to still be fearless. Oh and by the way, can you slow down on the beer-runs? That student loan money sucks to pay back and that freshman 15 sucks to run off."

(Thanks dad, for the iphone pictures. I didn't take a single one all weekend!)

So, I guess I'll be taking my own advise & trying harder to enjoy every second of where I am right now.
Because you know what? I'll probably look back at this time in 4 more years & long for this moment.
Reflection is hard. But it's so good.
I have a tendency to love change and to dive in without truly saying goodbye to the places I'm leaving behind.
Right now I love that Lily is still an only child & I can soak up this time with just her. I love that I'm blessed with a job that is flexible and convenient so that I can have the most amount of family time possible.
Life is crazy. Enjoy every single second.

((I'm linking up with Carina today because I'm honestly thankful for where I'm at.)) 

fear.

Last night while I attempted to unwind from a really long week/weekend, Hunter decided to recap a recent documentary he had seen about zombie apocalypses and deadly virus outbreaks. He went on to suggest that perhaps we needed to own a gun to protect our family in case the human race regressed into animal-instinct survival mode.

Ya'll, maybe it was the wine? Maybe the lack of sleep, the recent move, the pounding headache, the looooong day at work?
But I kind of snapped.
Poor guy was just trying to push my buttons (I H.A.T.E. guns... and zombies for that matter ok), and BAM there I am spewing a year's worth of anxiety and fear on him.
Like, really serious heavy stuff.
I am struggling with anxiety.  
And I hadn't even spoken to my husband about it once. My best friend, the man who understands me more than anyone else ever could.

You have to understand, in the first 25 years of my life I don't think I took more than 5 minutes to stop and reflect on my own mortality. Maybe it was immature. Naive?
But I had peace.
I trusted that my future was in better hands than my own and I enjoyed the moment. Period. I think I was kind of proud of my ability to just go for things. I had this confidence that whatever happened, it would be fine. I think it was part faith, but also part pride.
And then I got pregnant.
Shooooooot.
Believe me, I  did know that it would change my life. But true to the mindset I've just described, our pregnancy wasn't actually planned. We did switch to natural family planning because of the horrible effects that hormonal birth control had on my body. And we did know that there was a greater possibility of pregnancy sooner than we were planning, but we just went for it. We knew we wanted to have lots of babies at some point, so why not see what God had in store?
Well, He had a perfect daughter in store about 2 years sooner than we were thinking.
I freaked out for a minute when we first found out and then we jumped right on board and got SO excited! :)

Then, it started.

From the very beginning of the pregnancy I would have so much stress between appointments. What if something happens? What if the precious little heart isn't beating anymore?
But I pushed it aside because I didn't have a clue how to deal with it.
My pregnancy was picture perfect (other than being TEN DAYS too long... but who's counting?) and our perfect Lily was here before we knew it.
She was healthy and fabulous and nursed easily. Appointments have always been routine and normal and yet I continue to be plagued with fear.
What if something happened to my sweet babe? There are a millions of things to be afraid of for this fragile tiny person. And beyond that, what if something happened to the love of my life and I had to care for this girl alone? What if something happened to me and she didn't have a mama?

Yikes. SO unhealthy to dwell. I know that.
I also know that God gave us a spirit not of fear but of POWER and love and self-control. (2 Timothy 1:7)
I'll be praying that I can remember that every single day.

Do you/ have you ever struggled with fear and anxiety? I would love to know how you deal with it. 

(I'm linking up with Amanda again today. Check out all of the inspirational blogs over there!)

(Vintage Post} Beauty

I was looking through my old blog (gogreeno) that we started when we adopted Milo... haha It starts off with a video of us bringing home our pup! 

My how life has changed in the past 2 1/2 years :) 

Anyway, for awhile I tried balancing both, but it turns out one blog is about more than I can handle. 

So gogreeno sits untouched, but I still visit frequently. 

It's a little treasure chest of memories for me, and I've realized there are some posts that I still want to share with you all. 

A few gems that I came up with in a moment of inspiration that I believe could be a blessing to someone.
Today I wanted to participate in Amanda's new Desire to Inspire link up, so I chose a post that is near and dear to my heart.
I pray that at least one woman will read this today and be inspired to love their body just a little better, not only for her own sake, but for her children's!

So here you are,  a vintage piece from the gogreeno vault, complete with tiny Lily pictures.  

Enjoy & be blessed. I'm praying that anyone/everyone who reads this today will be reminded of their eternal beauty. 

Because, girl, you are gorgeous!!

The other day I was reading a daily devotion from Reflections for Ragamuffins by Brennan Manning. {By the way, have you ever read Ragamuffin Gospel? I think you should. Brennan Manning is so in LOVE with our Jesus and it's absolutely beautiful the way he writes about grace.} Anyway, I read this:

The narcissistic obsession with weight watching in North America

is a formidable ploy of the impostor. Despite the valid and

important health factor, the amount of time and energy devoted to

acquiring and maintaining a slender figure is staggering. No snack is

unforeseen, no nibble spontaneous, no calorie uncharted, no

strawberry left uncounted... To paraphrase Cardinal Wolsey, "Would

that I had served my God the way I have watched my waistline!"

All of a sudden it hit me. It is going to be hard raising a woman of God in this society of ours! My sweet daughter will be bombarded with image after image of an unattainable, airbrushed, worldly "beauty". How am I going to help her desire to be "clothed with strength and dignity (prov 31:25)" instead of expensive designer labels? How will I teach her to truly believe that she is "fearfully and wonderfully made (psalm 139:14)"?

I prayed about it a lot. And do you know what? It's my responsibility to SHOW her! Do I desire God more than the opinions of others? Do I genuinely believe that God creates beauty and that He created me exactly the way I am. On purpose. To be honest, not always. But I'm definitely working on it.

I've made a rule not to ever speak negatively about myself in front of my daughter. No weight comments, or unaccepted compliments. Don't get me wrong, I think it's very important to teach her to eat healthy and be active, but she needs to grow up seeing that I believe this body is wonderful. Without this body I wouldn't even have my precious Lily Belle, so I forgive it for not being a perfectly toned size 2. I pray that she will grow up so focused on Jesus and loving others that she doesn't even notice all of the unrealistic images telling her what she "should" look like.

And I pray that you will consider making yourself a similar rule. Thank God today for beautiful body he has given you. Show your kids what it looks like to pursue Jesus instead of an unattainable body image.

"Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting;

but a woman who loves the Lord is to be praised."

Proverbs 31:30

Where I'm at.

Today has been a fabulous blessing of a day.

It's my "Saturday" if you will and Lily has been sleeping like a rockstar which means when she's awake we're having great fun & when she's asleep I'm getting a ton of junk done! 

Which also means I have time & desire to blog... at the same time. 

This hasn't been happening a lot lately so I thought I would just check in with an update of where I'm at. 

I also thought I would do this by way of pictures that I drew.
Because I'm 6 I really love coloring.

This has been my very favorite quote recently.
It's been keeping me up at night.
That and the fact that my birthday is coming up on Thursday.
I loooooove birthdays, but they totally make me sappy and reflective.

Anyway, I've been wrestling with it, because I have issues with the "keeping interested" part. 

That's right, I have issues. You heard it here first. 

I tend to be quite passionate about life in general & it seems like any little thing can get me so pumped and motivated. 

Then I'm lost in daydreams and staying up all night furiously scribbling in my trusty journal (you know, one of the 27 trusty journals I currently can't live without).

Unfortunately, a few weeks (or days but who's counting?) later I'm distracted by something else exciting and on to the next big idea. 

I've always struggled with this huge desire to change and move and evolve... which can be fun but so dissatisfying sometimes. 

By the grace of God I'm steadfastly & passionately in love with being a wife and mother.

I've managed to stay "tremendously interested" in both and don't see that changing. 

But beyond that the only steady passion I can come up with is creating.    

Whether it be baking, sewing, coloring or painting. 

I think my desire to discover my passion and excel at it is so strong because I truly believe I was made this way on purpose.
So if God wanted me to be the way I am...WHY?
What should I be doing with my talents that bring Him glory?
I can tell you one thing for sure: I should not be running myself ragged chasing a desire to the point of emotional exhaustion and neglecting my family.
Got it. That's why I'm not baking any more.
Problem is, I still feel a bit like a failure for giving it up.
I really thought that was what I should be pursuing.
I was good at it and passionate about it.
But the door was clearly slammed in my face.
Forcing me to re-evaulate my passions and priorities.



Why was loving people like Jesus loves me not on my list of passions?
Because it was an honest list and even though I wish I could be honest and say that it was... Recently it hasn't been.
Why? Because I can't honestly tell you the last time I ASKED Jesus to help me love people.
Dang it.
I hate that. 
I hate that it's true and I really hate admitting it.
But I'm not just trying to be negative.
Actually I'm being super long-winded today but the point is this:
God did create me to love creating.
He made me to be extra sensitive and to love beauty in all shapes and sizes.
He made me so that I feel His presence the most when I'm creating pretty things.
So maybe it's ok if I'm not crazy awesome at anything.
Maybe it's fine if I just love the process of learning new things and making things a little prettier.
Probably I should stop being worried about finding success by the world's standards, and just start using my creativity to love people better.



So, that's where I'm at.
Just coloring and dreaming and praying and trying to be better at loving.
I'm missing being a part of the small handmade business community but resting in the peace of knowing that another opportunity will come that's better than the last one.
One that's a better fit for my family.
One that helps me love people more fully.
Do you struggle with anything similar?
I would love to pray with/for you if you understand what this whole huge ramble was all about!
Email me! sugarmamabakeshop@gmail.com
 For real I would love hearing where you're at!

So it turns out I can't do it all...

Dang it.
I really really really wanted to.
I was sure if I tried hard enough I could have a wildly successful home bakery business, highly popular blog, totally rad online shop, semi-clean home, dinner on the table and a side job for extra cash and benefits while the hub finishes school.
(Not to mention a few minutes to spare enjoying my sweet husband and darling babe.)



But alas, I can not.
To be real honest, it's not all cupcakes and snuggle parties over here lately.
I'm overwhelmed and exhausted from thinking I can (and should) handle everything.
So several break-downs, tears, and prayers later...
I'm taking a big 'ol break from Sugar Mama Bakeshop.
It's not you, Sugar Mama, it's me.
Actually, it's not me either.
It's just not the right time.



Remember when you were little and you couldn't decide if you should get a triple scoop mint chip ice cream waffle cone or limited edition purple platypus beanie baby with your $5 allowance?
And you were like, "well, that beanie baby is an investment that will probably be worth, I don't know, $300 someday... but then again, ice cream is soooooo good."
And your mom was all, "you should make a pro-con list".
Well, what I'm trying to say is, the pro-con list really helped.
It made me wake up and realize that no matter how much I love to bake,
Lily and Hunter are WAY more important to me.



So what does Hunter need right now?

• A strong support system to get him through 10 more months of full-time school so that he can get his environmental science degree and get his fabulous dream job. 
• He needs his wife to step up and make a steady income with benefits so that he doesn't have the sole financial burden of our family weighing on his shoulders. 
• He needed me to volunteer to give up staying home with Lily and go back to work because he would never ever ask me to do it.   

What does Lily need? 

• A parent at home with her. Our schedules work out so that Hunter or I will be home with her all but 1 day! 
• Her mama's full attention after work and on days off... aka no distractions of orders to be filled, marketing, phone calls, or cakes to decorate. 
• Lots of smoochies, games, books, walks, prayers and love. 

All this to say, It was a really hard decision but I'm ready and actually a little excited to go back to work (my old job as a leasing consultant) and I will still blog! 

I love to bake and create recipes and record it all here. 

I love the community & support I've found in blogging. 

I just won't promise any kind of regularity.
I'll be blogging when I have time and energy for it... and when Lily's asleep and Hunter's working.
I won't be doing any advertising really. If I love a blog or shop I'll let you know about it, but that's about it.
Just wanted you to have a heads up that my shop is closing but there will be lovin' coming from my oven :)
It's too bad we can't do it all, huh?
How do you balance?

Lately {nature edition}

This summer has been hot & dryyyyyyy in Colorado.
So when we finally got a "monsoon" earlier this week (aka a couple inches of lovely rain)
It was wonderful!!



So I got excited and took some pictures :)
Then I grabbed Lily and we danced in the rain.



I love how rich and saturated the colors are.
I also love how many tomatoes are popping up after the monsoon!



In other exciting news, Lily Belle is using her sign language!
We had all but given up after months of trying with no response.
But after talking to a friend who works in child development we gave it another go and wouldn't you know...
The girl's as brilliant as she is gorgeous ;)



It's kind of hard to tell from the pictures but she is signing for "more" eggs!
She has also quickly learned that she can have anything she wants if she signs for "more" of it.



Now more nature shots.
Hunter and I were standing in the front yard chatting when we realized this little guy right next to us in the bushes.
He barely even moved and didn't seem to mind us being close enough to reach out and touch.



The pups have been feeling extra snuggly.
Aren't they just precious?



Finally,  a sneak peek of the baby shower I helped throw one of my besties last Sunday!
She is decorating Henry's room in bowties (which I looooooove) so her sis and I took the theme and ran with it.
I'll post more pictures Friday, but here's a preview of the cake.



What's going on with you lately?

...and we're back!

I'm feeling so out of the loop lately.

I've been keeping so busy with baking, marketing & traveling that I haven't found much time for blogging.

This weekend I took a 9 hour road trip (should of been 7 but apparently Lily is NOT a fan of road trips.)

We went to Kansas for her great-great-grandad's 100th birthday party!

He was a farmer his whole life and she wore her sweet little overalls in his honor :)

It was so amazing and precious to see them hanging out!

He looked at me and said "Well, it looks like you got a good one."

I think so grandad!

Today is the last day to get your 50% Sugar Mama deal.

Also I'm really hoping to have a new recipe up tomorrow (finally right?)
How was your weekend? Anything exciting?!

Some fun things.

I have a love/hate relationship with routine.

I wish I was organized and I do try. Honestly.

For example I've tried having scheduled posts on the blog.

Mondays are usually recipe days, Fridays are party days, etc.

But schedules and routines, they kind of bore me.

As soon as I get into the swing of things I start itching for spontaneity.

(I believe that's a major reason it took us 6 months to get Lily on a nap schedule.)

So I learned that lesson and we don't stray far from the sleep schedule.

But that means when I'm feeling rebellious I'll be taking it out on the blog.

Sorry for those of you who prefer order.

Today, I'll be talking about a little of everything so here it goes.

(See? Total random-ness & chaos :) I love this picture of Milo though! It's from our Friday afternoon sunshine basking party. Ahh... spring!)

First off I'm offering a cupcake class on April 17!

This is SO EXCITING to me so you might be hearing a lot about it.

Hope you're excited too :)

It's $40 and you get to come hang out with me for 2 1/2 hours.

Snacks are included of course. ( I don't really believe in getting together with out snacks.)

All supplies and ingredients are included.

We'll mix, bake AND decorate beautiful cupcakes and you get to take home a dozen (which is a $36 value all by itself.)

I'll also send you home with the recipe and let's be honest there will probably be prizes.

Soooooo if you live in or near Denver, please sign up!

I would love to party with you :)

I have a second piece of exciting news today.

I am now baking from a certified gluten free kitchen!!

Deby's gluten free bakery is a wonderful and well known shop in Denver,

and I am now renting space from them!

Monica, the owner, has been nothing but wonderful & I am so excited about working with her :)

Plus, it means there is no chance of anything being cross contaminated so even the most gluten sensitive can rest assured.

(Here I am on my first day headed in to "work" at the commercial space... and feeling like a dork :) Hunter insisted that I document the moment for my blog.)

Coming soon...
My very first scone recipe!
These got enthusiastic thumbs ups around here,
but we're far from scone experts :)
So I sent out the recipe for a test run.
A sweet reader actually requested a scone recipe so she is testing them out and letting me know.
The recipe will post as soon as I get the go ahead from Kate!


Final piece of important news for the day:
I went to Canvas & Cocktails with my friend Sarah last week.
And now I have new art :)
I'm not much of a painter but my chandelier makes me proud.

Have a wonderful & blessed Monday!

Thankful Wednesday

Yeah I know it's not as fun to say as Thankful Thursday, but I couldn't wait :)

This week I am bursting with thanks for this GORGEOUS 70 degree weather!

Baby girl seems to have forgotten how to sleep... which is a huge bummer,

but then I go outside in a t-shirt and rolled up jeans and the sun is shining and no amount of (lack of) sleep seems to matter anymore.

I'm also way thankful for these sunglasses.

And see Elmo way down in the bottom of the picture?

Well he lights up and sings songs and *barks* over and over and over and over....

And I'm thankful for him too because he makes Lily laugh and I can't think of anything I've ever been more thankful for than her sweet giggle.

(My favorite part of this picture is that it looks like she's really rockin' the glasses but really I just distracted her with Elmo for about 15 seconds so I could get the picture before she ripped them off and started eating them.)

I'm thankful for bath time skype dates with my dad and 2 of my bros.

So fun!

I'm thankful for some crazy awesome & exciting Sugar Mama plans that are in the works.

I've been daydreaming about the farmer's market all week...

and by daydreaming I mean pinning wonderful extravagant booth displays.

If anyone has an antique pickup I can borrow... PLEASE call me?

Source: urbanfarmgirlandco.blogspot.com via Ashley on Pinterest

Or the coolest TOY BAKERY set up EVER?

Yep those are felt baked goods that the mom made and put in the display case the dad build.

I just hope those kids know how lucky they are :)

Source: bakerella.com via Ashley on Pinterest

(You can see the whole board if you really want to.)

Also have you heard of a cool website called Dabble?

Well, it's filled with $20 classes and it's perfect for those of us who can't ever make up our mind and want to try a little of everything!

So far I'm signed up for a small biz class, intro to photography, acting 101...

Just kidding. Kind of.

I'm not signed up yet, but I really do want to take the first 2.

I just want to sit in on the acting class so I can meet the teacher... who was on the Sing Off last season!

Um, you know how I feel about the Sing Off right?

Anyway. Sugar Mama Bakeshop will be offering a gluten free & vegan cupcake class SOON!

You get to bake & decorate your own cupcakes and go home with a dozen!

Plus I'm working on sweet little aprons for class participants :)

Finally, I'm thankful for some exciting news Hunter got about an internship yesterday!!

It's still in the works but very encouraging.

I'm incredibly proud of him for working AND going back to school so that he can make a living doing something he is passionate about.

What an amazing example for our daughter!

Aaaaaaaand that is all.

Nap time is halfway over and I still have to make muffins and take a shower!

Thankful again :)

So I wasn't planning on doing a Thankful Thursday post again today... let's be honest. I wasn't planning on posting anything today. I was actually feeling pretty sorry for my poor self.

I've got a sick baby who also happens to be teething :(

AND a sick hubby.

And a headache and a sore throat.

Plus I cooked dinner last night and it was gross and the house is a serious wreck because sweet sick baby wouldn't sleep all day yesterday... or all night!

But then it hit me.

That's a perfect reason to post about what I'm thankful for!

It doesn't matter how bad the day is, there is always SO much to be grateful for.

Amen?

So today I'm thankful for:

-My brother, who wrote this awesome article that pushes me to stay focused on what really matters. Tyler is the most passionate person I know and he constantly inspires me to not settle for what's popular and/or easy.

-Our general health. Colds and coughs are a bummer for a few days but really we are so blessed to have healthy bodies!

-The blessing of being able to be home with Lily. We've sacrificed a lot to make this possible and at times I've even doubted myself for doing it, but I am 100% positive this is where I should be and I'm more thankful than ever that I can be at home to take care of my sick baby.

-My new leopard print flats from Target. I "splurged" and bought them at the full $14.99 instead of waiting for them to go on clearance. They feel like spring :)

So there you have it. I'm thankful again!

Thankful Thursday

My friends Carina and Cami are both hosting Thankful Thursdays on their blogs & I'm feeling inspired to focus on the wonderful things I'm thankful for right now!

#1: This sweet sweet face. Holy cow I'm so in love with this precious baby.

#2 Booking my first wedding for this summer!! These are the cupcakes I made the cute couple for their tasting :) So fun!!!

#3 This hard-working, sexy, supportive man that I'm blessed to call husband and best bud ;)

#4 Exciting Sugar Mama opportunities that are coming up. (New storenvy store front coming soon!)

Have a blessed day!! What are you thankful for?

Today.

I'm going to be real honest with you for a second.

Yesterday sucked.

Tuesday was even worse.

And Monday was pretty terrible too!

See, I've got a precious 7 month old who has somehow learned NOT to sleep.

She would get all cranky & fussy and not nap which led to more crankiness & fussiness etc.

Also we took an idealistic approach to parenting that we've recently begun to reconsider.

But I won't get into that because it could be controversial and today I'm not in the mood for that.

Nope. Not today.

Because today is a good good day.

The kind of day that makes you forget that you cried yourself to sleep last night (at 8 o'clock) while your husband comforted the screaming baby while wearing noise canceling headphones.

(Not a joke.)

Yes today the sun is shining, and I have a sassy new haircut.

I'm enjoying an iced coffee & a vegan, fair trade peanut butter cup.

Oh yeah, and today I baked for an hour and half uninterrupted!

Glory, hallelujah. The girl slept!

Before becoming a mama I had no idea how refreshing 90 minutes alone in the kitchen could be.

I'm making a cake and hoping it turns out as pretty as this one.

Source: sprinklebakes.com via Ashley on Pinterest

I'm like a new woman.

And today. Today is a good GOOD day.