Where I'm at.

Today has been a fabulous blessing of a day.

It's my "Saturday" if you will and Lily has been sleeping like a rockstar which means when she's awake we're having great fun & when she's asleep I'm getting a ton of junk done! 

Which also means I have time & desire to blog... at the same time. 

This hasn't been happening a lot lately so I thought I would just check in with an update of where I'm at. 

I also thought I would do this by way of pictures that I drew.
Because I'm 6 I really love coloring.

This has been my very favorite quote recently.
It's been keeping me up at night.
That and the fact that my birthday is coming up on Thursday.
I loooooove birthdays, but they totally make me sappy and reflective.

Anyway, I've been wrestling with it, because I have issues with the "keeping interested" part. 

That's right, I have issues. You heard it here first. 

I tend to be quite passionate about life in general & it seems like any little thing can get me so pumped and motivated. 

Then I'm lost in daydreams and staying up all night furiously scribbling in my trusty journal (you know, one of the 27 trusty journals I currently can't live without).

Unfortunately, a few weeks (or days but who's counting?) later I'm distracted by something else exciting and on to the next big idea. 

I've always struggled with this huge desire to change and move and evolve... which can be fun but so dissatisfying sometimes. 

By the grace of God I'm steadfastly & passionately in love with being a wife and mother.

I've managed to stay "tremendously interested" in both and don't see that changing. 

But beyond that the only steady passion I can come up with is creating.    

Whether it be baking, sewing, coloring or painting. 

I think my desire to discover my passion and excel at it is so strong because I truly believe I was made this way on purpose.
So if God wanted me to be the way I am...WHY?
What should I be doing with my talents that bring Him glory?
I can tell you one thing for sure: I should not be running myself ragged chasing a desire to the point of emotional exhaustion and neglecting my family.
Got it. That's why I'm not baking any more.
Problem is, I still feel a bit like a failure for giving it up.
I really thought that was what I should be pursuing.
I was good at it and passionate about it.
But the door was clearly slammed in my face.
Forcing me to re-evaulate my passions and priorities.



Why was loving people like Jesus loves me not on my list of passions?
Because it was an honest list and even though I wish I could be honest and say that it was... Recently it hasn't been.
Why? Because I can't honestly tell you the last time I ASKED Jesus to help me love people.
Dang it.
I hate that. 
I hate that it's true and I really hate admitting it.
But I'm not just trying to be negative.
Actually I'm being super long-winded today but the point is this:
God did create me to love creating.
He made me to be extra sensitive and to love beauty in all shapes and sizes.
He made me so that I feel His presence the most when I'm creating pretty things.
So maybe it's ok if I'm not crazy awesome at anything.
Maybe it's fine if I just love the process of learning new things and making things a little prettier.
Probably I should stop being worried about finding success by the world's standards, and just start using my creativity to love people better.



So, that's where I'm at.
Just coloring and dreaming and praying and trying to be better at loving.
I'm missing being a part of the small handmade business community but resting in the peace of knowing that another opportunity will come that's better than the last one.
One that's a better fit for my family.
One that helps me love people more fully.
Do you struggle with anything similar?
I would love to pray with/for you if you understand what this whole huge ramble was all about!
Email me! sugarmamabakeshop@gmail.com
 For real I would love hearing where you're at!